Holding on for you (Saved #2) Read online

  Jess has tried calling my phone, but I won’t pick up. I know what I said to Ryan pissed her off, but knowing she didn’t want me to stay was like a punch to the gut.

  A surprise knock on my door has me on alert. I’m not expecting anyone. J would have called if he was coming over. It’s almost ten at night. Grabbing the pistol off the end table, I crack the door and look through, relieved it’s only Jess.

  Her eyes are red like she’s been crying. “Come in,” I tell her sympathetically.

  Setting the pistol on the nearest table, I turn and find Jess looking around the house. She hasn’t ever stepped foot in here so I figure Cassie told her where I lived.

  “Why have you been crying? You and Ryan arguing already?” I quip.

  Jess narrows her eyes at me. “No, we’re fine.” She takes a seat on the couch and I stay where I am, too nervous to sit. “I went to see my parents’ graves tonight.”

  Oh shit. “I’m sorry. I’m an asshole,” I murmur softly. Why am I always like that around her?

  “You are sometimes,” she agrees in a teasing tone. “I even stopped by the house, as hard as it was,” she adds, the sadness returning.

  “Why didn’t Cassie or someone go with you?” I ask, concerned about her. Facing all of that alone is tough for her. She knew it was so why didn’t she have someone go with her?

  “I wanted to be alone,” she murmurs.

  “That’s understandable.” I can’t seem to figure out why she is here though. Not that I want her to leave, but it’s strange.

  I’m watching Jess’ body language and I notice how nervous she seems. Her hands are knotted together, and she’s sitting stiff as a board.

  Jess slowly stands from the couch, her arms hugging her middle. “I, uh, guess I better get going. They are all probably wondering where I am.”

  Standing with her, I shove my hands into my jean pockets. “I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but why did you come here?”

  Her gaze lowers to the floor. “I don’t know. After I left my parents’ house, I wanted to drive around and I wound up here.”

  “Does he make you happy, Jess?”

  My question catches her off guard. “He does,” she says, yet I don’t hear any conviction in the words.

  I’m calling bullshit. “I don’t think he does. Don’t lie to me.”

  She shrugs indifferently. “Believe what you want, Bo.”

  Closing the distance between us, I lift her gaze up to mine, using my finger. I’m letting her have her way for now, but one day, I’ll call her out on her lies and we will talk. “I’ll beat his ass if he hurts you,” I vow. She may not think I’m serious, but I will and won’t think twice about it either.

  Her breathing becomes labored from my close proximity. I’m very tempted to kiss her. Kissing her would be dangerous. It would change things, hurt us. But damn, if her lips don’t look inviting. What’s even more tempting is the fact that her eyes have fluttered closed as if she is waiting for me to put my mouth on hers.

  I step back, creating some distance so I don’t screw things up between us even more.

  Her eyes snap open, a flash of hurt crossing them. No matter what I chose, I always wind up upsetting her. “I’m going to go,” she says, heading toward the door.

  Not knowing what to say, I nod. I half expect her to slam the door on the way out, but she doesn’t.

  Moving toward the window, I watch as she backs out of the driveway and drives in the direction of J and Cassie’s house. As I watch her disappear out of sight, I wonder if I should have kissed her. Would it have made a difference or made things worse?

  Pushing that thought out of my mind, I head to the bathroom for a cold shower.

  10

  Jess

  I wanted Bo to kiss me.

  There, I said it. My heart raced as he gazed into my eyes as I waited anxiously for his lips to touch mine. I could see the indecision in his eyes so I thought maybe if he knew I wanted him to, he would go for it.

  It was like a bucket of ice cold water got dumped on me when he backed away. For a split-second, I thought about kissing him.

  My heart is still pounding as I drive back to Cassie’s. Ryan is probably not happy that I left him there since he doesn’t know them at all. Like I told Bo, visiting my parents was something I needed to do on my own. And, I don’t know what made me stop at Bo’s house, but I did find out one thing, Bo is attracted to me.

  He can preach about how “love sucks” until he’s blue in the face, but I see it as a front. He’s scared to commit.

  I don’t believe Ryan and I are going anywhere. He’s handsome, sure, but he’s not the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m not sure when I’ll break it to him.

  I’m not even sure why I let Ryan come with me in the first place. It was so you could make Bo jealous, my subconscious says.

  It’s probably true.

  I walk inside to find J and Ryan having a conversation. They seem to be getting along, which I find kind of weird. Honestly, I didn’t think J would like him all that well. Or, he could just be nice.

  Shrugging it off, I search for Cassie for some girl talk. I find her laying Ella down in her crib.

  Cassie turns to me and wraps her arms around me. “I wish you would have let me go with you.” I know she was upset I didn’t let her come, but I needed time alone.

  “Bo almost kissed me tonight,” I blurt out.

  Cassie freezes then slowly pulls away. “What?!” she screeches. “I thought you went to visit your parents?”

  Noticing the bedroom door is open, I quickly shut it before filling her in. “I did, but then I was driving around and before I realized it, I was in his driveway.”

  Cassie begins jumping up and down, clapping her hands. “Oh, my gosh, this is awesome! I knew he was in love with you!”

  How does she think this is good? “No, it’s the opposite!”

  She stares at me, confused. “How is it not good news? Bo has been denying his feelings for you for so long, Jess.”

  “First of all, I’m talking to Ryan and secondly, Bo has not come out and said that he wants to be with me. All he’s done is hinted around or reminded me that he doesn’t do relationships.”

  Cassie rolls her eyes at me. “You don’t even like Ryan that much, and don’t even try to lie, because J and I both see it. And you’re right, Bo hasn’t come out and said ‘I want to be with you, Jess.’ But you have to push him.”

  “I just don’t want to wind up hurt again,” I murmur sadly, recalling the last few times he’s stomped on my heart. A heart which has been taped back up several times.

  Cassie hugs me again. “I wish there was more I could do, Jess. Everyone sees it except for him.”

  “I know.” After a pregnant pause, I step back and add, “I need to go save J from Ryan. His conversations can get pretty boring.”

  Cassie and I laugh until we realize we never left Ella’s room. Both of us freeze and leave quickly and quietly. It isn’t until the door is closed and we are down the hall that we bust out laughing again.

  The guys give us looks, but don’t ask any questions.

  We say our goodnights and head to the spare bedroom, where we will be sleeping. Maybe Ryan will take the floor.

  After searching my bag for some night clothes, I escape for the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. Yoga pants and t-shirt it is for me.

  When I return, Ryan has already changed and climbed underneath the covers. I know I have had sex with Ryan, but falling asleep together feels more intimate to me.

  Deciding to deal with it, I take the left side of the bed, lying on my side, my back to Ryan. He leans over and kisses my cheek. “Goodnight, Jess.”

  “Night,” I reply.

  A moment later, Ryan asks, “Do you and Bo have something between you? He claims you two are best friends, but I’m sorry, Jess, I don’t see it.”

  Best friends? We’re hardly even friends at this point. “No, he’s right, we are on
ly friends.”

  Ryan must be satisfied with my answer because he rolls over and doesn’t question me further.

  11

  Bo

  Whoever decided it was a good idea for all of us to ride together to Birmingham tonight needs to be punched in the face. I’m stuck in the back with Jess and Ryan, who won’t keep his hands to himself. It pisses me off watching him hold her hand, touch her knee, and kiss her cheek. The little shit is doing it on purpose. Jess smiles tentatively at him as if she is uncomfortable with his affection.

  If she asks, I will be glad to break his hands.

  Tonight is probably not going to end well because I have a feeling I’m going to knock Ryan flat on his ass. One wrong move with Jess and it’s on.

  The girls decided they wanted to go dancing so here we are. Jess looks amazing. I almost swallowed my tongue when she walked into the living room. Tight blue jeans with an off the shoulder top. Ryan walked up to her and ruined the moment when he smacked her ass. Hell, I wanted to punch him then.

  The only person in this vehicle old enough to drink is Ryan so this should get interesting.

  “Tonight is going to be fun, babe,” Ryan says to Jess, kissing her cheek once more.

  I watch as Jess smiles at him, except, I know it’s fake. “Oh yeah, lots of fun,” she agrees. I can hear the sarcasm in her voice which causes me to chuckle. Jess’ boney elbow connects with my rib cage, shutting me up.

  I hope we get to our destination soon because I can’t handle Ryan and Jess much more.

  If I thought the car ride with them was difficult, watching them on the dancefloor is far worse. The way he holds her in his puny arms has me grinding my jaw. See, this is what I have been talking about. She brings out certain emotions whenever she is around. Especially with other guys. This can’t be the “love” my family is talking about. Love wouldn’t ignite these feelings, would they?

  Taking a sip of my water, I watch as he kisses her cheek and leaves her in the middle of the dance floor. Setting my cup on the table, I make my move, gracefully stepping right in and picking up where Ryan left off.

  “Bo,” she says, her voice breathless. The look in her eye tells me she didn’t expect me to come up and start spinning her around the dance floor. Hell, I didn’t either, it was more of a split-second decision.

  Pulling her close, I want to make this moment as special as possible, because I don’t know if I will ever get another one. We haven’t been this close, this intimate since the “almost-kiss”, and the night I ruined everything between us.

  Gazing down at her, I take in her breathtaking eyes. Eyes which have made my heart race and my anger come out.

  Jess lays her head on my chest as we sway to the music. Being this close to her…well…it feels nice. The only way I know how to describe this moment is happiness. My heart is happy.

  I feel an unwanted presence standing near and I know without even looking who it is. Glancing over my shoulder, I spot Ryan casually sipping on his drink, standing a couple of feet away.

  “May I cut in?” His voice sounds pleasant, but I can hear the underlying irritation in his voice.

  I look down at Jess, not ready to give her up yet. We are sharing a wonderful moment together.

  Gritting my teeth, I grind out, “Sure.”

  Stepping away from the girl I can no longer deny I’m attracted to, I lean in and kiss her cheek before heading back to our table.

  Our moment is gone. Vanished. Yeah, I could have told him to fuck off, but I probably would have hurt Jess in the process. Hurting her is something I have promised myself I wouldn’t do again. No matter the reason. Jess looked kind of hurt when I walked away so it seems it doesn’t matter which choice I make, I will still piss someone off. I’m screwed every which way.

  For the rest of the night, I hang with my brother and Cassie, while still keeping my eyes on Ryan and Jess. Maybe it’s because he’s with Jess, but something about him is beginning to rub me the wrong way and as much as I want to say something to Jess about it, I feel like it will only create an even bigger rift between us.

  “In time, Bo,” J says from out of nowhere.

  Removing my eyes from Jess, I give J a confused look. “What are you talking about?”

  He laughs and shakes his head. “You know exactly what I am talking about, brother. In time, you and Jess will be together.”

  “What? Are you a psychic now?”

  He gives me a pointed look. “No, I’m not. I just know when I see two people who obviously love each other.”

  There is that word again. “Is love supposed to make people angry? Is it supposed to hurt people?”

  He replies with a simple word. “Yes.”

  I bang my fist on the table. “That doesn’t make a lick of sense, J!”

  J places his hand on my arm. “Bo, you feel so many emotions when you’re in love. Trust me.”

  Jess and Ryan sit down at the table, saving me from this conversation. I don’t know why everyone insists on telling me to “give it time.” Jess moved to Florida to get away from me and now she is with this douchebag.

  By now, Ryan is hammered and is getting on all of our nerves. Jess seems embarrassed sitting next to him. A drunk Ryan is a flirty Ryan and we are all watching him hit on any girl who walks by our table. It’s pathetic and he’s an asshole. I’m half tempted to tell J to leave his ass here.

  Throwing his arm over Jess’ shoulders, he begins kissing her neck. My hands ball into a fist on the table as I watch Jess push him away.

  “Whhhattt?” he slurs. Jess is growing increasingly uncomfortable and seems to be on the verge of tears.

  I’ve got to do something.

  Leaning over to Cassie, I whisper in her ear, telling her to take Jess to the bathroom. I would personally take her away from the table, but he might cause a scene since I am sure he now thinks there is something between Jess and me. Jess needs to dump Ryan on his ass. Let him find his own way back to Florida.

  After Cassie and Jess leave the table, Ryan bangs his fist on the table. “Whhhy does she have to be like that?”

  J and I shrug our shoulders.

  Shaking his head, he leans over the table. “I wannna tell you a secret.” J and I slightly lean in, not wanting to get too close to his beer breath. “Wanna know why I amm with herr?” He chuckles, and continues, “It’s because shee is amazinggg in bed.”

  I. See. Red.

  Reaching over the table, I grab Ryan by his shirt and yank him across the wooden surface, throwing him on the floor. I’ve had enough of him. I land one good punch to his jaw before J stops me.

  J pushes me back. “Walk away, Bo. Walk away.”

  I stare down at the douchebag rolling around on the floor clutching his jaw wishing J would let me get one more good hit in. He deserves it.

  As pissed off as I am, it takes every ounce of willpower in me to move my feet.

  I need fresh air so maybe I can cool off. If I had a cigarette, I’d definitely start smoking, that’s how upset I am about Jess and all of these feelings I don’t know how to control.

  It’s becoming harder to deny that I am falling in love with Jess. I don’t want to believe it as it breaks my no relationship rule. I also don’t want to end up with a broken heart either.

  Sagging against the brick wall. I debate whether I should let her continue to knock down my walls or keep re-building them.

  12

  Jess

  When Cassie and I return from the bathroom, I’m startled to find Ryan sitting in the chair clutching his jaw, J pissed off, sitting next to him, and the cups we were drinking out of on the floor. Oh, and Bo is missing.

  “What happened?” Cassie and I ask at the same time.

  J cuts his eyes to Ryan who quietly sits there. “Do you want to tell her or should I?”

  Shaking his head, Ryan stands and mutters, “Whatever,” before stalking off.

  Cassie and I both turn our attention to J. “Did Bo say something?” I ask, assuming Bo s
aid something he shouldn’t have.

  J laughs, only there is no trace of humor. “Why do you automatically assume Bo started it? Bo actually defended you when your boyfriend made a crude comment about you.”

  “Oh,” is all that leaves my lips.

  Anger rolls off J in waves. “You know, Jess. We all want you and Bo together. It kills me that you put him down like that. Maybe we should stop trying to get Bo to see how much he cares for you.”

  “J, baby, you need to calm down. Everyone is upset right now,” Cassie reasons, wrapping her arms around him in an attempt to calm him.

  “Where is Bo?” I ask J, anxious to go talk to him.

  J cuts his eyes to me. “That depends, are you going to blame him for something else he didn’t do?”

  “No, I only want to talk to him,” I assure.

  “He stepped outside,” he says, nodding in the direction of the door.

  Shaking my head, I thank him and head for the door. I shouldn’t have assumed Bo punched Ryan for the thrill of it. It came out before I realized I said it.

  Stepping out into the night air, I find Bo leaning against the wall of the building staring off into the distance. I’m curious to know what Ryan said to cause Bo to hit him, but then again, I’m afraid to know.

  “Bo,” I murmur his name, worried he won’t talk to me.

  He turns his gaze slowly in my direction and I can still see how upset he is. “If you came here to yell at me for punching the douchebag, then I don’t want to hear it,” he spits angrily at me.

  “I’m not here to defend him. I don’t know what he said, but it must have been something pretty bad for you to hit him.”

  Bo angles his body toward me, his shoulder leaning against the red brick, and his arms across his chest. “He said the only reason he is with you is because you’re amazing in bed, Jess,” he states bluntly.